Uncertainty

I'm starting to wonder if this is really a good idea or not.

I'm afraid of offending the gods, the Lwa, and the spirits I still hold used to hold so dear. I'm supposed to be above stupid shit like this, but apparently I'm not. I'm just another one of those idiot kids that goes poking around for the hell of it. I used to have belief, I used to be strong in my belief. What happened?

I doubt -everything- now.

Even so, the fear is washing over me. Slowly at first, but now it's coming in waves. What if I -do- grab something's attention? What if my family gets hurt because of it? I don't care about myself, but I can't say the same about my friends. The 'rational' part of me says that such worrying is ridiculous, but...I don't know.

The sick part is that I know I'm going to go through with whatever plan I come up with. That's how far gone I am.