Sky

I'm a bit disappointed that I wasn't able to cry myself to sleep last night. That would have been simple. Instead, I huddled under my covers in a panic. It was bad, worse than my usual panic attacks. I actually made the mental jump from 'there is nothing after death' to 'so I should just go and die' a few times. Everything seemed bleak and hopeless. Crying would have made me feel better.

I probably should have prepared for the worst. Prepared for what I'd do if nothing happened. I was a fucking idiot.

Part of me wants to believe that I was just too weak to make anything happen, or that I should have just kept going at it. I hate that part of myself right now. It's that part of myself that disappoints me time and time again.

So. Dreams. I had one of my usual 'oh hey I'm flying' dreams, except this time I was actually a bird. I flew over an abandoned building. I flew over trees and forests. Pretty fun stuff. It's probably the only reason I'm not in the worst mood ever.

Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever. Fly forever.

....sorry. I'm in an odd mood. Kind of depressed and all that jazz. Not exactly sure what comes next. I guess I'll just keep you updated.